02.07.06
transkription stueck eins.
i definitely feel the void sometimes, how unceasingly modern life can paw at your very core… the need to maintain in the midst of the inevitable and almost unavoidable chaos of accumulation… of things, stuff, products, even relationships and knowledge come as products, to be worn, sat upon, rubbed on your face, played through your speakers, invested at 7.8% etc. etc.
and it’s nearly a heady wind at times– the internet as a portal to everything… everything now and before and in the future, which- i’ll just admit finds me high and nearly overwhelmed.
perhaps my ongoing analysis of sexuality via process-oriented lines of thought (process meaning 1) the evolutionary sense of the word– bio-physical, 2) definitely the developmental learned sense of the word, and 3) even a bit in the anne schaef sense of the word) is my attempt to find the balance… between my human desire for connection with all knowledge and action that is real and honest… and this crazy two-dimensional consumer-oriented internet job/business land– where i’m ferried along an abstract oddly silent and white portal to almost every conceivable permutation of human thought, existence, and well, all the oddities in our species exceptional range of being-ness.
on the one hand, my research skills and strategies have only improved in leaps and bounds, as well as my ability to coherently find and posit potential patterns in information and potential relationships and their reasons for existence… and on the other, i find i’ve become more introverted with live humans, less satisfied with the slowness of communication– i’m becoming a fucking information junkie who needs knowledge and needs to know how to get it and quick.
wait, really….
i’ve recognized and accepted that people are not as easy as a computer– that we’ve much more complex systems running in our brains and bodies– and the ephemeral psychological by-products, lead to unforeseen complications in modern human existence (such as manifest in our unconscious and conscious coping mechanisms that often inhibit effective and rewarding living habits which might otherwise be reasonably easy to learn via adaption from generation to generation).
my acceptance that people are slow and more complex than the internet, does not imply my satisfaction with this state of existence.
at this point it is only an acknowledgement of what is… not what is inevitable. i think humans are on the brink of understanding more about themselves then ever before in the history of the world, but the path to true knowledge in this particular case must turn inwards… and this is perhaps where the internet (in all it’s avid sterility and ease of use) can open more minds than anything in the world.
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next: the media alienating us from ourselves